The Healthy Everythingtarian

I wish I could tell you the title of this post refers to the fact that I’ve begun sleeping in a pile of Benjamins (refer to this song) at night or that my sugar daddy (*cough* Jake Gyllenhaal *cough*) finally came to whisk me away for that romantic sojourn to Morocco or that I’m having an illicit affair with a 70-year-old man to collect his multi-million dollar inheritance when he inevitably kicks the can.

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My first name may be Holly, but my last name ain’t Madison.

So alas, none of these are true.

Instead, it just means I’ve been eating food.

Lots of it.

Mostly of the rich, I’m-going-straight-to-your-thighs-and-never-looking-back variety.

Since it is Madison Summer Restaurant Week, I had budgeted one splurge for my meager, peasant-like bank account: a dinner out with my friend Brett. However, it is officially Wednesday night, and I’ve successfully eaten at three different restaurant week eateries thus far.

***All my pictures were taken with my iPhone camera in bad lighting environments. You’ve been warned.

The first unexpected restaurant week outing happened at the Capitol Chophouse to celebrate our intern’s 21st birthday. I started with a gorgeous heirloom tomato salad with buffala mozzarella drizzled in a balsamic reduction…

Then, things got even better with BBQ pulled chicken flatbread…

Devoured (as if you had any doubts).

Dessert made me think of my newlywed homegirl Janetha G: peach crisp with vanilla bean ice cream.

Three courses and a mere $15 later, I left happy.

Very happy.

My intern was officially legal, and my belly was full.

Not to spoil the rest of this post or anything, but it may have been my favorite restaurant week meal of the three. Although, to be quite honest, I don’t know if you can call eating three different desserts a meal.

Yes, three desserts.

They were inhaled at a new authentic Italian restaurant in town called Francesca’s al Lago. To be truthful, I didn’t eat all three by myself…well, except for the first one: torta di cioccolata.

That would be a chocolate mousse cake with a crackly peanut butter chocolate crust.

No words my friends, no words.

Then, these little buggers started being passed around the table…

The fancy word for them would be profiteroles. I call them cream puffs. Really delicious cream puffs filled with pistachio gelato and drizzled with chocolate ganache. You could also just call them delicious.

If you are going for authentic Italian, tiramisu is simply a must.

There is nothing worse than bad tiramisu, but I am happy to report this one was simply fabulous. Did I mention I washed all this down with two Spotted Cow beers? I did. And I called it dinner.

Finally, in what was supposed to be my ONLY restaurant week experience, Brett and I headed off to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse to continue the summer restaurant week…

Since I was ready to pass out having not eaten much all day, I ate the bread basket clean.

I blame the fact I woke up full this morning from last night’s decadent dessert dinner. Now, all that bread is currently digesting in my stomach. True story.

For starters, I opted for the crab corn chowder…

…continued on with the Almond-Crusted Walleye for my entree…

…added in a side of creamed spinach to up that veggie intake…

(and by veggie intake, I mean my daily cream, butter and artery-clogging intake)

…and finished off with some Pellegrino water, which I thought was free before Brett informed me it was probably about $12. Clearly, fine dining is not a regular thing for yours truly. Determined to get my money’s worth, I drank the whole bottle and ended up only paying $4.95 for it.

I couldn’t even celebrate the joy of knowing it was indeed only $5, because I thought my bladder was going to burst. Let’s just say, I am well-hydrated. Very well-hydrated.

The moral of the story: La Vida Rica clearly doesn’t mean, “Holly is rich and acts that way too,” or “Holly has a really expensive camera,” or “That girl Holly – man, she is one classy broad.” When one has delicious food in the belly, good friends to lean on and a wonderful family to see this weekend, that is all the rich life one needs. Jake Gyllenhaal would merely be an added bonus.

Hey dudes + dudettes! I’ve been busy stuffing my face with food all day (no seriously, I really have), so I’ve enlisted the help of one of my very favoritest people to guest post for y’all today – Uncle Tommie Timbertoes (a.k.a. my Uncle Tom). He is one of the best people I know and is a daily, devoted Everythingtarian reader. For as long as I can remember, he has ALWAYS been dishing out wise advice to me including, “If you workout, everything will work out.” More to come on that below. Honestly, he’s just the best, so I thought it only right you got to share his infinite wisdom. Enjoy!

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Ms. Holly has invited me to guest blog, and I can tell you I am honored and will do my best to maintain the high quality journalistic style she has exhibited so far for her readers. Who am I? I am Ms. Holly’s 55-year-old Uncle Tommie Timbertoes. Although I don’t profess to have the interest in food that Ms. Holly has, I do have a Healthy Everythingarian interest in exercise and its benefits.

So I have named the theme of this blog a mantra of mine, “If you workout everything will work out.”

I have been in good shape all my life, and I have been in great shape at least half that time. For most people I know, the hardest part of exercising is integrating it into a constant and consistent part of their lives. Over the years, I have developed some unorthodox strategies that have worked for me and which opinionated people, like Ms. Holly, will challenge. That’s okay cuz my goal isn’t to preach or to convert. If they can help you, that’s great. If they don’t “work out” for you that’s okay too.

They work for me, and I believe in the Ms. Holly theory that following someone else’s plan will only get you started. If you want lasting results you have to tailor everything you do to you.

Part 1: “If you workout…”

Of course I can’t talk about the second half of this quote without the first half, just like I can’t breathe out without breathing in. This is the commitment, the wedding vow “I do”, the admission price, the no-secret secret, the foreplay, the understanding that anything worth having comes from accepting some form of suffering to get it. It’s the toughest step for almost everyone. If you find a way to get this going as a lifestyle, you get a free pass to Part 2 . So how do ya do that? I dunno. I only know what works for me.

Here are a few tips to start with in no particular priority…

(1) Find a form of exercise you like to do or that you hate to do the least and build that into the base of your strategy. For me, it’s a bicycle, road bike or stationary bike. For some reason that I’m still trying to understand, I can push myself to exhaustion on a bike. I can’t do that running, walking, playing tennis, swimming, weightlifting, etc., so I have hitched my wagon to a bike.

(2) Screw the stretching. I’m not an elite athlete pushing my body to extremes. I’m just a Joe Schmoe trying to get an aerobically significant work out in a limited period of time. At best, I may spend the first 5 minutes at an easy pace, but then I drop the hammer. The valuable part of exercise is the exertion, not the preparation for a limbo contest. True story:

a. I was at an airport hotel and had just missed the every 30 minute shuttle to the airport. So I took a seat on the bench. There was a couple around my age all dressed in state-of-the-art running gear. They were already stretching before I arrived and spent the next 10 minutes doing it too. Then, they left and before I could get done twiddling my thumbs, they came back and start de-stretching. As I left on the shuttle, they were still de-stretching. So, of a 45+ minute workout, I’m guessing more than 30 minutes was stretching and 15 minutes was real exercise. For me, that’s like ordering lobster, eating the claws and leaving the tail on the table.

(3) Find a reason. Early in my life, it was about being better than you or beating you. It was only much later that it turned inward into being a better me. Really, it doesn’t matter if you start out with the wrong reason as long as the wrong reason gets the right results. Turning your reasons into “awareness” will inevitably come in the same way a raindrop that falls into a river will eventually find the ocean. My awareness’ have come in layers. Here’s a true story about one of the more memorable ones:

a. I was in my mid-20’s, in college, working part-time, dating my future wife Gayle and living in an apartment in a rough part of  St. Paul, Minn. Gayle worked at a bar a few miles from my apartment. It was Friday evening – no need to study, no work scheduled, so I was gitt’n all testosteroned up to do 2 of 3 of my favorite things – see my “Poopsie” and have a couple brewskis. At the time, I was struggling to motivate myself to exercise, but I did anyway and went on a 5-mile run. That done, I headed to the bar.

Being a poor boy, I had no vehicle so I did a lot of walking. I headed south on Oxford Avenue with nothing but sugar plums dancing in my head. After about a ¼ mile, there was a gang of teens horse-playing on the other side of the street. As I went by, they started with the name calling which I ignored. Then it got quiet but not in a good way. I looked back and saw a half dozen trouble makers briskly walking about 50 yards behind me. Visions of sugar plums turned into thoughts of a severe ass-kick’n a-com’n. But I knew I was running 6 1/2-minute miles, and the likelihood of any of these yo-yo’s having any aerobic capacity after a short sprint was unlikely. So I jumped into my 6 1/2-minute mile mode. I heard them take chase with all kinds of extremely rude and uncalled for assaults on my character. I remember thinking “How can they say such things when they don’t even know me?”  At first they gained a little ground, but one by one, I dropped them and arrived safely at my Poopsie’s bar, out of breath and ready for a beer.

“Why are you so sweaty & yucky & out of breath?” she asks.

“Oh nutt’n really,” I says. “Just couldn’t wait to see you so I ran down here.”

That line eventually got me #3 of 2/3.

So a good night, but the most revealing part of that incident was before this, I was exercising to be better than you. After this incident, I was exercising, because I was aware of a benefit that was hitherto unknown to me. It may seem small, but for me, it reinvigorated the “why” reason I needed to keep committed to a healthy exercise program. I always knew intellectually why exercise was good for me, but now I was “aware” of why exercise IS good for me.

It’s the same kind of awareness some (not all) smokers get when the doctor tells them the x-rays show small lumps in their lungs. That news is enough to get them to stop smoking because before that news they knew smoking could kill them, but after that visit they are “aware” the smoking IS killing them.

Okay, enough said for now, just remember, “If you workout everything will work out.”

What is YOUR favorite way to workout?

I should probably stop trying to meditate while laying in bed at 9:30pm with the lights off.

But if I do choose to engage in said meditating at said time with said mood lighting, I should at least brush my teeth, wash my face and put on pajamas knowing I will nod off despite my good intentions.

That way, when I wake up at 1:34am, I can turn off all the lights in my apartment before falling right back asleep on my drool-stained pillow. Instead, I am forced to change out of my daily street clothes, wash my greasy skin and brush my grimy toofers, which inevitably perks me up and causes me to catch a tremendous case of “monkey mind” where I am not able to fall asleep again for another hour or so.

This is my life.

Bienvenidos.

It involves spontaneous bouts of speaking in Spanish, narcolepsy and the food group known as chocolate.

Stonyfield Farms sent me some coupons to try out their new dessert-like Greek yogurt cups. I completely j’adored the caramel…but how did I feel about the chocolate?

Not to switch countries and languages then back again but…le amo.

I love it.

Not as much as the caramel, but this is my life, and I can cry if I want to. Or eat Oikos Chocolate Greek yogurt with Kashi Toasted Berry Crumble…

Because who would rather shed tears than eat that decadent concoction?

Not I.

Not me.

Not yours truly.

Grammarazzi…a little help with this one please?

I like smoothies.

1 Oikos Chocolate Greek yog cup
1/4 cup organic skim milk
1 diced frozen banana
1/2 T peanut butter

A lot.

I also like coffee a lot.

And chocolate.

When you mix coffee AND chocolate, I really get happy.

After a delicious Lemon Coconut flavor and gross Cinnamon flavor, how did this Cocoa Coffee stand up?

It may have taken over the #1 spot. It was perfectly chocolatey with a generous hint of rich coffee flavor, and I wouldn’t lie about that.

I wouldn’t lie about statistics either.

For 140 calories, 16 grams of protein and 7 good-for-you ingredients, I don’t know how they do it.

Good on ya Simply Bar, good on ya.

Just saying that makes me miss Australia and saying good on ya, bush pig and right-O before being inappropriately felt up by Australian men on the dance floor of grungy beach bars.

I digress.

At least I still have PB+B toast.

It never lets me down.

It hits the spot every.single.time. In winter, in summer; for breakfast, for dinner; for mealtime, for snacking; in sickness, in health; for long as we both shall live, I take thee PB+B toast as my lawfully wedded husband.

Yes, husband.

The male persuasion isn’t exactly lining up outside my door at the moment, if ya know what I mean.

Life is not perfect.

It never will be.

But with the help of a pint of Chocolate Hazelnut Fudge Coconut Bliss…

The bad days don’t seem so bad.

Like today.

Today wasn’t a very good day.

But it’s okay.

Because this is my life, and I am going to meditate sitting up, eat chocolate instead of crying, look forward to drinking coffee + eating PB+B toast in the morning, plan another travel venture (where I will perhaps meet someone of the male persuasion…) and remember that tomorrow is a brand new day.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said,

“Love of beauty is Taste. The creation of beauty is Art.”

Thinking about it, I am pretty sure Mr. Emerson was an insightful philosopher who was way ahead of his time and could see into the 21st century. I mean, how could he not be talking about us modern day foodies who blog about food and read food blogs?

Let’s be real, we are the world’s best tasters as well as some of the best artists – constantly appreciating and creating beautiful, nourishing and delicious works of food.

And coffee. Always coffee.

I like to think art, beauty and creativity are the ABCs of my life.

Whether in writing, photography, paintings, food, clothes, nature, design, ideas, architecture or just about any thing else I can think of, I get a huge sense of satisfaction from exercising my creative muscles.

More so, I love noticing the little things.

While this PB+J was delicious, it was the blueberries that stole the breakfast show for me.

If you take a minute to look deeper at this dish of antioxidants, you see each blueberry is unique in its own right – with a slightly different shape, color pattern and taste than the next…

And for some unknown reason, that makes me happy.

Because there is nothing wrong in wanting to be things to be aesthetically pleasing, even if you have to Photoshop them to make that happen…

Farmer’s markets, for one, are obviously a great example of showcasing the beauty of food as well as the beauty of people and their Midwestern fashion sense.

“There is no beauty as true as old man Hawaiian shirts, ankle socks with sandals, mullets, mom jean shorts and too skimpy college girl clothing.”

You can quote this Everythingtarian on that.

Plus, when you can get 5 multi-colored peppers, 4 banana peppers, 3 cucumbers, 3 zucchini and 1 bundle of kohlrabi all for just $9, beauty is merely an added bonus.

So what makes this Tortilla Espanola (Spanish Omelet) even more beautiful?

Not peeling the red potatoes.

I find the sliver of brightly colored skin adds a burst of much-needed color.

A work of art AND a delicious lunch?

Double bonus.

Food doesn’t necessarily have to look beautiful.

Sometimes it just IS beautiful…all 17 grams of vegan protein of it.

That’s not to say “ugly” meals don’t happen. I mean, as great as the ingredients and stats are on this Simply Bar, I will be honest in saying I did not enjoy the Cinnamon flavor that much.

C’est la vie.

Life goes on.

To a gorgeous, all-organic farmer’s market salad of spinach, cucumber, white pepper, banana pepper + ranch and a BBQ tempeh sandwich…

And when you can combine your love of art, beauty and creativity with a fellow food-loving friend?

The beauty is doubled…if not tripled.

What if the food at hand is going to be Chocolate Beer Waffles?

I’d say that quadruples the beauty.

But wait…those waffles are VEGAN?

Beauty officially quintupled.

Vegan Cashew Cream + Chocolate Sauce?

How do you say six-tupled?

Excuse me why I do a quick Google search.

Sextupled.

Definitely, sextupled.

I forgot my coffee with coconut milk creamer…that septuples the beauty.

That’s seven, right?

But I haven’t even gotten to the waffles yet!

Take this all-vegan feast of Chocolate Beer Waffles, Chocolate Sauce + Cashew Cream…

…multiply it by 2 1/4…

…and you get true beauty octupled.

But please don’t call me Octomom or even Octoeverythingtarian.

Holly works just fine.

Natural beauty is best, no?

Bad news: My digi camera is about three food photographs short of biting the blogging dust.

Good news: Until I can save up enough Benjamins (a.k.a. dolla dolla bills a.k.a. $$$), I have my trusty iPhone camera. The quality isn’t as good, but a blogger’s gotta do what a blogger’s gotta do, right?

Bad news: I was completely out of fresh fruit this morning to complement my breakfast.

Good news: This insufferable circumstance has lead me to the discovery of a very important new combination in my life – Sweet Potato Breakfast Fries! Yes, fries. Drizzled in peanut butter and topped with cinnamon, these dessert-like fry wonders paired perfectly with PB+J+DCC (peanut butter, jelly + dark chocolate chips) on an Arnold’s sandwich thin.

Bad news: I got poured on for the 2nd consecutive day in a row walking to work. And for the 2nd consecutive day in a row, I’ve also been forced to take shelter from the incessant rain in the alcove of a building next to the same homeless man who I’ve awkwardly been forced to talk to twice now.

Good news: Daddy Everythingtarian was swinging through Madison today and decided to stop to treat his favorite daughter to an early lunch at Marigold Kitchen. Eggs, bacon + toast for him while yours truly ordered a bowl of fruit alongside a bacon + fried egg sandwich. And coffee. Always coffee.

Bad news: Due to some extremely tight financial constraints (more information to come in a Reader’s Request: Budgeting post), I have $20 to spend on groceries until I get paid August 1st.

Good news: The blogging gods are watching over me, and for some karmic reason, I’ve received some killer product samples to review for zee blog. First up, the Canadian-made Simply Bar, which I first tried last month hiking it up in Banff.

Bad news: The bars didn’t actually come with a subscription to The Onion (which for the record, IS the world’s finest news source).  Did you hear that Arizona high schools are now going to teach Spanish completely in English?

Good news: Simply Bars are vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free and low on the glycemic index, all for just around 150 calories a pop!

Bad news: Some protein bars tend to not really fill me up, so I am skeptical. Very skeptical.

Good news: With varieties like Lemon Coconut, Peanut Butter Chocolate, Cinnamon and Cocoa Coffee, my desire to taste these Everythingtarian-approved flavors overrides any skepticism I may have.

Bad news: The protein source is soy. Processed soy (especially soy milk + soy protein powder) is about one of the only things my tummy does not handle digesting well.

Good news: The stats on this bar rule, as does the ingredients list. I mean, 17 grams of protein and ingredients I can actually pronounce? Screw my digestive tract. I’m eating them.

Bad news: I almost dropped half the bar on the floor, because it was flimsy and broke pretty easily.

Good news: The Lemon Coconut flavor was DELICIOUS! It was lemony without being fake and the chunks of actual coconut in the bar were a welcome surprise. The texture reminded me a lot of Rice Krispies – pleasantly crunchy and airy. I gobbled this up in about 45 seconds flat.

Bad news: After I ate it, I definitely could have still eaten more.

Good news: Despite the fact that it didn’t feel filling, it held me over for two hours until I was able to whip together a quick + healthy dinner using up what’s left in my fridge.

2 cups baby spinach
1/2 cup crumbled tempeh + 2 T BBQ sauce
1/2 cup zucchini
1 oz. finely cubed cheddar cheese
drizzle of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing
3/4 cup baby carrots

Bad news: It’s Friday night, and I am completely devoid of cool girl plans.

Good news: Shopping, Whole Foods, The Tudors: Season One and an early A.M. trip to the farmer’s market, here I come!