When meeting new people, I’ve discovered us human beings are most interested in two things: age and relationship status.
In my experience, conversations tend to go something like this…
“So, are you seeing anyone special?”
“No, but I’m seeing a whole lot of unspecial people.” (stole that line from Miranda, FYI)
(insert nervous laughter)
“Haha, really? Well, how old are you?”
“Oh dear…at your age, I was already married with two kids!”
Usually, I laugh it off and quickly change the subject. However, what I would really like to tell inquiring minds when faced with this dreadful predicament is that – shockingly! – I also have a personality. Like, besides being a quarter of a century old and having no man to fill my gas tank (literally and metaphorically-speaking), I like to laugh. I also like to write. I think I am pretty independent and capable. I can be stubborn but also very laid-back. My favorite hobby is reading, although I don’t get to do it as much as I would like. And I get no greater joy in life than making people laugh and traveling.
Apparently, none of that matters when you are single and 25 years old.
This antiquated notion makes me want to grab a bottle of vodka and go to Drinkytown. That is saying a lot, because since college, I’ve sworn off hard alcohol. The mere whiff of distilled spirits makes me think back to the time I fell in a thorny bush stumbling home from the bars and my roommate’s boyfriend had to peel me out limb-by-limb.
Because the only thing worse than being 25 and single is being 21, single and drunkenly stuck in a bush at 2am.
Yes, there are times where it would be nice to have a boyfriend, like for instance in the situation above or perhaps to share a warm bowl of banana oatmeal with…
1 packet Kashi Vanilla instant oatmeal + 1/4 cup oats
water + 1 egg (whisked in)
1 mashed banana
sprinkle of shredded coconut
dollop of cranberry vanilla PB
Someday, I will find a guy who enjoys eating oatmeal, drinking coffee and tag-teaming the NY Times Crossword on a lazy Sunday morning.
Key word: someday.
Because a gal can’t force these things.
When it’s supposed to happen, it will.
Until then, there is no point in dating douchelord boys who are more into talking about themselves and touting their own accomplishments than learning about you. Forget the guys who are still hung-up on that ex-girlfriend, because no matter how fabulous you are, he’s not going to see it. If a guy is a bad kisser, move on (and I mean, wayyyyy on). Trust your gut feeling when its telling you things aren’t right, and never regret that decision.
Of course, all of these situations are clearly and merely hypothetical and in no way are based off my own personal experiences of guys I have dated in the past or anything…
Rely on friends.
Like Madeline. If you get the chance, be friends with her.
Because she will selflessly send you wheatberries + Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies, which are guaranteed to cure any relationship blues you may have.
One taste of these, and you’ll wish cookie marriage was legal in the U.S.
First, let’s work on the gay marriage thang then we can move onto cookies.
Rejoice in the fact you don’t have to wash poop-stained underwear, repeatedly put the toilet seat down or watch endless hours of ESPN (or ESPN2, ESPN Classic…).
What you can do? Eat 1.44 pounds of delicious vegetarian food with wild, single-girl abandon…
vegan baked beans
vegan pasta primavera
spicy green beans
tofu garden salad (hidden)
Add in a bottle of cherry kombucha.
And gal pals, of course.
I can be my own gal pal, right?
Because who needs men when you have more important things to attend to – like a Whole Foods hot bar, foodie talk and one blogger in desperate need of her first taste of kombucha?
I firmly believe my own Pea Daddy, Kyle, Danno the Manno, Marshall or Meeker is out there. Ideally, he would come find me bearing ice cream, raspberry Toaster Strudels and beer, but I won’t get picky.
Until then, I plan on traveling.
Because who knows? Mr. Argentinean love affair may just turn out to be Mr. Right.
And really, who cares about my personality then?
I’ll be 25, taken and living in Buenos Aires!