6:00am: My alarm goes off.
6:05am: My alarm goes off again.
7:15am: I crawl out of bed in all my disheveled glory, pee and curse myself for once again fooling myself into believing I was going to get up at 6:00am to do the dishes, clean my apartment and respond to blog e-mails.
7:30am: With a cup of coffee in each hand (a new definition to the term “double fisting”), I down my yog mess in less than five minutes while reading People online. I find out Prince Harry is dating a British rock star, and my hopes are immediately dashed for an Everythingtarian royal wedding.
1 container Pineapple Chobani Greek yog
3/4 cup diced strawberries
1/3 cup Hint of Honey Galaxy Granola
8:15am: I catch up with Daddy Everythingtarian on the phone while walking to work. I tell him all about the financial planning for women class I took on Saturday and beam with grown-up pride as I explain to him I now know the difference between a traditional and Roth IRA.
10:00am: An announcer’s voice booms from the speakers, “Due to current circumstances, you must evacuate the building immediately. I repeat, evacuate the building immediately through the nearest exit.”
10:01am: Oh my gosh, this is it. I’m dying right now. Wait…why are we evacuating?
10:02am: I grab my purse, iPhone and realize it is a bomb threat. Awesome.
10:05am: I walk over to a building down the street where I know some peeps and am able to use their office to get sh!t done. Why can’t bomb threats happen on days I don’t have a billion things to do?
10:07am: As soon as I enter through the door, my friend tells me I look like a Flamenco dancer. I wholeheartedly take it as one of the best compliments I’ve ever received.
12:15pm: I am hungry. My stomach is audibly churning. The lunch I packed is being held hostage inside said office building which is still being examined for bombs. And now I’ve just found out my other hope for an Everythingtarian royal wedding is dashed upon hearing Prince William is set to marry Kate Middleton in 2011. FML.
12:20pm: Despite my attempts to wait out the bomb threat, I buy this snack mix at a coffee shop and eat the entire thing.
12:25pm: Five minutes after eating it, I get word we are allowed back in the building.
12:30pm: I am no longer hungry for the lunch I packed and am annoyed my plan to save money was thwarted. To remedy my annoyance, I eat two Haralson apples.
1:15pm: Work crisis.
1:30pm: To get some good office vibes going, my coworker Chris and I bump to N.E.R.D. It doesn’t solve the work crisis, but Pharrell’s coolness definitely rubs off on us.
2:00pm: Mild nauseousness sets in. I blame the bag of sesame sticks.
3:00pm: While waiting for a solution to the aforementioned crisis, I send in my gym reimbursement to my insurance company so I can get $100 in free money back from them. I realize how much I like free money and start brainstorming other ways to score more dolla dolla bills.
5:13pm: Since I missed my planned 5:05pm Bootcamp class, am ragingly starving and the crisis is still not figured out, I head home while talking to Mama Everythingtarian. I decide one of two things needs to happen tonight: beer or cookies. Or, let’s be real, both.
5:30pm: G’ma Everythingtarian makes a sweeping return to enjoy the 5 o’clock special: a ginormous junk salad.
2 cups baby spinach
1/2 cup diced strawberries
1/4 cup broccoli slaw
1/2 diced red pepper
2 T raisins
2 T sunflower seeds
Annie’s Lite Raspberry vinaigrette
5:52pm: I don’t want to do anything I actually have to do, so I start blogging.
6:42pm: I’m done blogging and really don’t know what to do with myself. I hit ‘Save Draft’ and resign myself to doing those dishes, cleaning my apartment and responding to those blog e-mails before I hit ‘Publish Draft’ later in the evening.
6:54pm: Dishes are still dirty, apartment still needs to be cleaned and my inbox is still full.
6:57pm: Screw it. I’m hitting ‘Publish Draft’ right now.
Stay tuned tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to, “A Day in the Life…”