Funny Things

by Holly on May 30, 2011

in reviews,silliness,storytime

On Friday night, I was a little too eager to sing karaoke at a small hole-in-the-wall bar called the Karaoke Kid. And for the record, I use the term “sing” lightly.

While I paid my $1 to put in two slips – one for my personal rendition of Cher’s “Believe” and a second for a would-have-been stunning duet to Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) – it seemed as though there were a plethora of other people also eager for their three minutes in the karaoke spotlight.

I waited.

And waited.

Until I could not possibly wait anymore.

So I jumped up onstage with a stranger to sing a raging good karaoke rendition of a song that I don’t quite remember the title of. Now, I will say I am not quite sure this stranger wanted me onstage with him singing, but once the two of us got belting, it was as if the karaoke gods (Simon Cowell is one of them, me thinks) had wanted this to happen all along.

Upon finishing the song, this stranger, who oddly looked like the singer Meatloaf himself, was absolutely furious with me. After stepping off the stage, he looked at me straight in the eye and said, “You know what? You have a horse face a la Sarah Jessica Parker.”

At first, I was taken aback.

Did he really just use the phrase “a la?”

{he did}

Then I laughed and immediately told my friend Rassa, who proceeded to defend my honor in front of the whole bar and made him feel bad. I am sure he was just jealous that I outperformed him, but dude, regardless, I wouldn’t try to insult a 20-something girl who just so happens to love Sex and the City. Being compared to Sarah Jessica Parker is a compliment, not a dig.

The bottom line: funny things happen.

Sometimes you get called horse face. Sometimes a nice poll worker will encourage you to get stoned and take a ride down the Baraboo River. And sometimes, you will even find yourself eating soup in the month of May.

The lovely folks over at Campbell’s Soup sent me some coupons to try out their new Select Harvest line of soup – free of MSG + artificial flavors and made with real, natural ingredients. Luckily, soup has actually been sounding quite delicious lately as summer refuses to visit + bring sunny, warm weather to America’s Dairyland.

For starters, I tried the Savory Chicken with Long Grain Rice

Chicken stock, roasted natural white meat chicken, carrots, rice, celery, potatoes and contains less than 2% of lower sodium sea salt, onions, garlic, natural flavoring {?}, potassium chloride, sugar, maltodextrin, salt, carrot juice concentrate, yeast extract, dried chicken broth, xanthan gum, rice starch, chicken fat, locust bean gum + spice.

While not horrible, how is “natural flavoring” seriously an ingredient?

I paired the soup with Jalapeño Jack SunChips and zucchini fries, because while 110 calories a serving is admirable, it won’t fill me up on its own. Overall, the soup was pretty dang good.

Next, I tried the Mexican-Style Chicken Tortilla

This time, I paired the soup with crackers, manchego cheese + Angharad’s Quince Jam, because again, the soup itself will not fill a person up. A meager 220 calories does not a meal make.

Out of all the varieties I tried – from clam chowder to tomato basil to minestrone – this soup was my hands-down favorite. In fact, I bought a second can, topped it with 1/2 a diced avocado and relished its slightly spicy broth before buying as a third and fourth can of it, which I am currently using as hand weights.

Would I buy these soups with my own money? Probably not, as they didn’t fill me up, and there are enough soup brands out there I do like that have more admirable ingredient lists.

But if you see this horse face smoking pot down the Baraboo River, eating a can of self-bought Campbell’s chicken tortilla soup and belting out Meatloaf, don’t be surprised.

Funnier things have happened.


Gillian Young May 30, 2011 at 10:21 am

WHAAAT?! Ok first of all, SJP (Yes I just abbreviated that) is a hottie and so are you. Second of all, Meatloaf was obviously jealous that you’re a total babe and outshined him. Third of all what the f does horse face mean? I think if I were an animal face I’d be a panda face, or something with big cheeks. You’d be an angel face.

I had a guy tell me I had really “normal hair” at a bar once. I think he was trying to be nice but WHAT?

Chad @ May 30, 2011 at 10:22 am

I’m skeptical of anything with Campbell’s name written on it… hopefully these new soups hit the mark!

Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table May 30, 2011 at 10:26 am

Why is there not a picture of you overshadowing Meatloaf?!?! LOL!

P.S. You’re gorgeous. Tell Meatloaf maybe he needs a little more soup and little less loaf. A-hole. :)

Michelle (Chasing Chelles) May 30, 2011 at 10:28 am

Ok, that’s hilarious! I’m sure he was just jealous! ;-) If we ever end up in the same karaoke bar, I’ll gladly share the stage with you!
Have a great holiday weekend!

Averie (LoveVeggiesandYoga) May 30, 2011 at 10:34 am

“But if you see this horse face smoking pot down the Baraboo River, eating a can of self-bought Campbell’s chicken tortilla soup and belting out Meatloaf, don’t be surprised.”


And thank you for the HONEST review, part at the end. Buying with own money. Love ya.

Horse face. People have no tact, manners, class, or respect any more. Omg. I have been called lots of things, too. Both in person, on my blog, behind my back that I hear about, but I have some doosies I’ve been called. And recently, too. We could swap stories on email :)

Being compared to SJP is a compliment in so many ways. She’s smart, beautiful, successful, and marched to her own happy beat :)

Hillary May 30, 2011 at 10:59 am

Again, with us being bizarro twins: I was walking down my town’s main street Friday afternoon, iced coffee in one hand and my boyfriend’s hand in the other, fully enjoying the sunshine, when all of a sudden, a car-full of a-holes drives by and one screams out the window, “HEY DUDE! SHE’S UGLY!”

My bf’s first impulse was to wrap his arm around me, and a close second was to chase the guy down and punch him in the face. Then he turned to me and apologized—as if HE had called me ugly. I told him it really didn’t matter—the guy was probably gross in his own right (I didn’t get a good look at the jackass) and I’m not dating him; the boy I’m dating thinks I’m pretty cute, and I think I’m pretty cute, too.

As much as the insult stung in the moment (I mean, really, that’s just rude, uncalled for, and nasty), I was not about to let this idiotic stranger ruin my perfect afternoon. Kudos to you for still enjoying your night (and seeing the humor in it!) regardless of some toolbag. And I agree with Averie: there are far worse people to be compared to than SJP!

Allison @ Allison's Delicious Life May 30, 2011 at 11:20 am

hahaha! this cracked me up. i can’t believe that guy was so rude…but like you said, funny things happen and you can just brush it off. this was a really entertaining post.

Erica May 30, 2011 at 11:21 am

ew! What a jerk that guy at the bar was!! Glad you had a fun night despite the ahole. I’ve tried their soups- pretty tasty, but I agree with the fill factor. How delicious are those Jalapeño Jack SunChips? I love lots of kick!

Susan May 30, 2011 at 11:41 am

Yeah, as soon as I read SJP I was like “that’s a compliment!”. What a dookie.

Katy @ fitinheels May 30, 2011 at 11:43 am

O.M.G. I agree with you and Gillian, SJP is gooooooorge. And so are you!

sofia May 30, 2011 at 11:44 am

WHAAT?! lady, your life is getting weirder and weirder. i feel as if i too attract the crazies, but this story is pretty out there. the part with the baraboo river and chicken tortilla soup, though, sounds like perfectly acceptable behavior. care if i join?

Karlee May 30, 2011 at 11:48 am

Oh that makes me mad! I love SJP too and neither of you look like a horse!

Tori (Fresh Fruition) May 30, 2011 at 11:55 am

What a jerk-face! What girl doesn’t love SJP, anyways? Haha. I bet you totally rocked that song :)

Brenna [fabuleuxdestin] May 30, 2011 at 12:25 pm

It’s funny that he compared you to one of the most beautiful women in the world as an insult. What a lame karaoke “trouble fête” as we say in France – party pooper!

lora May 30, 2011 at 1:04 pm

i have come to learn that dudes in bars (with beer by their side) are always a little more adventurous when it comes to being rude. It is like they have this superman cape on, and they don’t feel scared to tell someone how they feel. i am glad your friend put him in his place, because guys need to know they can’t do or say whatever they want when drinking. How pathetic. U are gorgeous, because you travel, eatt burger, drink beer, but also enjoy salads and smoothies. You are the ULTIMATE gorgeous. And while SJP is pretty, she has nothing on you…


Sarah B May 30, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I love Sarah Jessica Parker; I think she is so pretty!

A couple of weekends ago, a guy said f***k you slut to me because I wouldn’t grind with him. He didn’t even ask if I wanted to dance with him, he just came up behind me and started to get all up in my personal space. RUDE!

Meister @ The Nervous Cook May 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Oh G-d, that’s funny/sad. Glad you let it roll off your back, though — some people, jeez!

(A few weeks ago, on what was actually one of the very worst days I’ve had in recent memory, I had a homeless fellow stop in front of me, look me up and down, and say, “You know, you’re not the best-looking woman I’ve ever seen.” So I completely feel you. All you can do is shrug and laugh sometimes, and be thankful that there are so many more nice people than mean-hearted people in this world.)

Mackenzie @ Whatever, Gatsby May 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm

WHAT THE WHAT! I will find that guy and throw hot soup on him. Hot Campbells soup all over his meat-loafy face. And then all of this will come full circle. Or something.
BUT SERIOUSLY?! That is beyond ridonculous. You are one pretty lady, if I do say so mah’self.
SJP> Meatloaf anyday. I’m sure he was just jealous of you stealing the show.

Liz May 30, 2011 at 2:46 pm

What a jackass! You are BEAUTIFUL!!! Im with everyone else, karma will get that fat, sweaty jerk! And, sheesh, compared to one of Sex and the City?! HOLLA!

Jess May 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Um, RUDE?! But a failed attempt at being rude, as that’s a compliment!! :) You SO do NOT look like a horse!!

I really like select harvest, butttt they put like .000054% dent in my hunger.

Adj May 30, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Pfft! He would know a horse-face…what with him being a COMPLETE ASS.

Katie May 30, 2011 at 4:48 pm

What a creep and a jerk!

And your right, SJP is beautiful so that WAS actually a compliment! U are beautiful , duh!!!!!!!

Love u!

amanda May 30, 2011 at 8:47 pm

mmm, he sounds like a foolish, foolish man because: a. you’re gorg and not horse-faced at all. b. he should have been tickled to have your vocals join him during his song.

like duh.

Madeline - Greens and Jeans May 31, 2011 at 7:15 am

Holy balls. Too bad for him, SJP is amazing.

Lauren May 31, 2011 at 11:49 am

That is crazy!!! Men who are mad say the stupidest things… I was once told I looked like a lizard. What the hell does that even mean? All in all, that guy was a dumb dumb :)

And if I saw your “horse face” smoking pot down the Baraboo River, eating a can of self-bought Campbell’s chicken tortilla soup and belting out Meatloaf…. I’d ask for a lift!

But yes, funny things do happen :)

Megan (Braise the Roof) May 31, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Haha, what a dumb guy. Good thing you’re so cool that even when people try to insult you they can’t help but give you a compliment instead. I’m jealous that you have a bar called Karaoke Kid. Next time I visit, we’re GOING there. :)

RunEatRepeat May 31, 2011 at 8:49 pm

That guy is a jerk.

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