My name is Holly.
I am a true Sagittarius, lover of ice cream and creative soul.
I also have the worst time letting go of things.
I hang onto relationships long after they’ve gone bad.
I continue to ruminate over decisions even after I’ve already made them.
I obsess over the one misshapen cookie in an otherwise perfect-looking pan of Pumpkin Molasses Cookies.
I make time for friends who have no intention of making time for me.
I plan a million things out and get frustrated when none of those plans come to fruition.
I try and tell myself to just let go. There is a distinct chance you may find me in my shoebox-sized kitchen on an early Saturday morning sipping coffee, eating my fourth bowl of cereal and talking aloud to myself.
“Holly, you Everythingtarian you, let it roll off your back and just think about something else. Move on sister…he already has. You ate that defunct Pumpkin Molasses Cookie with no problem, which means there is no problem.”
But somehow, despite my fervent attempts at letting go, the thoughts always return.
Maybe if I try one more time.
Maybe if I gave that guy one more shot.
Maybe if I make those cookies one more time.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m competitive.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m loyal.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m stubborn.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m crazy.
In reality, it’s probably (e) all of the above.
You’re probably thinking I have major control issues.
You’re probably right.
I think we all need to to feel like we play some part in forming who we are, who we will become, what we do and what we will do with our time here on Earth. If I believed that everything was simply planned out for me, I would be significantly lazier and probably eating bon bons on the couch watching Days of Our Lives while waiting for life to come crashing through my living room window a la Tarzan with an exciting opportunity.
It gets to a point where I need to put my deepest faith in the ways of the world and just go with the flow. I like going with the flow, I do. But when it comes to job-related, man-related and goal-related matters, I put so much pressure on myself to achieve that I am actually surprised I haven’t pulled a Britney and shaved off all my curly locks while fisting a handful of McDonalds fries and cursing the paparazzi.
I can’t plan everything.
I can’t make every guy like me.
I can’t predict what is going to happen.
But I can let go.
It’s not easy for me.
In fact, it is REALLY hard. I actually think my brain is inherently wired to not let things go and instead, go crazy thinking about the same thing over and over and over and over again.
So, as it turns out, I have two choices:
I can continue to grasp onto things that don’t matter, making me crazier and potentially even more sad.
Or I can release my grip and enjoy watching the beauty of life happen as it should.
My name is Holly, and I choose the latter…as long as it involves ice cream.