Let Go

by Holly on November 12, 2010

in photography,rambling,seriousness

My name is Holly.

I am a true Sagittarius, lover of ice cream and creative soul.

I also have the worst time letting go of things.

I hang onto relationships long after they’ve gone bad.

I continue to ruminate over decisions even after I’ve already made them.

I obsess over the one misshapen cookie in an otherwise perfect-looking pan of Pumpkin Molasses Cookies.

I make time for friends who have no intention of making time for me.

I plan a million things out and get frustrated when none of those plans come to fruition.

I try and tell myself to just let go. There is a distinct chance you may find me in my shoebox-sized kitchen on an early Saturday morning sipping coffee, eating my fourth bowl of cereal and talking aloud to myself.

“Holly, you Everythingtarian you, let it roll off your back and just think about something else. Move on sister…he already has. You ate that defunct Pumpkin Molasses Cookie with no problem, which means there is no problem.”

But somehow, despite my fervent attempts at letting go, the thoughts always return.

Maybe if I try one more time.

Maybe if I gave that guy one more shot.

Maybe if I make those cookies one more time.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m competitive.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m loyal.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m stubborn.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m crazy.

In reality, it’s probably (e) all of the above.

You’re probably thinking I have major control issues.

You’re probably right.

I think we all need to to feel like we play some part in forming who we are, who we will become, what we do and what we will do with our time here on Earth. If I believed that everything was simply planned out for me, I would be significantly lazier and probably eating bon bons on the couch watching Days of Our Lives while waiting for life to come crashing through my living room window a la Tarzan with an exciting opportunity.

It gets to a point where I need to put my deepest faith in the ways of the world and just go with the flow. I like going with the flow, I do. But when it comes to job-related, man-related and goal-related matters, I put so much pressure on myself to achieve that I am actually surprised I haven’t pulled a Britney and shaved off all my curly locks while fisting a handful of McDonalds fries and cursing the paparazzi.

I can’t plan everything.

I can’t make every guy like me.

I can’t predict what is going to happen.

But I can let go.

It’s not easy for me.

In fact, it is REALLY hard. I actually think my brain is inherently wired to not let things go and instead, go crazy thinking about the same thing over and over and over and over again.

So, as it turns out, I have two choices:

I can continue to grasp onto things that don’t matter, making me crazier and potentially even more sad.

Or I can release my grip and enjoy watching the beauty of life happen as it should.

My name is Holly, and I choose the latter…as long as it involves ice cream.

{ 46 comments }

Ashley November 12, 2010 at 7:24 pm

beautiful

Andrea@WellnessNotes November 12, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Yup, letting go can be sooo hard… But enjoying the moment is sooo rewarding! Beautiful photos!

Hope you’ll have a great “in the moment” weekend! :-)

Erica November 12, 2010 at 7:27 pm

That last picture is amazing. You should frame it for sure. Beautifully written. I think we’re all a little guilty of hanging on for a bit too long. We learn and grow as we move through life and I think we start to learn what is worth holding onto. Hope you have a fantastic weekend

suki @ [Super Duper Fantastic] November 12, 2010 at 7:32 pm

i can hold onto something like no other. but it’s not always productive, and you can turn it over and over in your head until you’re going in a circle. letting go doesn’t mean you erase it from your mind. it just means being okay with something as is, learning that some things you can/can’t change or control.

i hope you visit SF again. we can get more ice cream at Bi-Rite and Humphry Slocombe! and if that’s not enough, there’s Mitchells and Bombay [which I’ve never been to].

hooray for boots!

reader November 12, 2010 at 7:35 pm

Holly, that was beautiful. so beautiful. I’m exactly the same as you are. You’re incredible, keep being yoU!

Teri [a foodie stays fit] November 12, 2010 at 7:44 pm

Gorgeous post girl! I tend to obsess over things I can’t change too but I’m also trying to sit back and enjoy the ride more, enjoy life more.

julie November 12, 2010 at 7:52 pm

um can we have an ice cream date. i’m a control freak and a half and i love a solid bowl of mint chocolate chip. go crazy this weekend girlfran

Samantha November 12, 2010 at 7:57 pm

applause.

susan November 12, 2010 at 8:05 pm

Holly, I can fully appreciate the struggle of letting go. I used to lie in bed at night, thinking of everything that was wrong or that needed to get done in the next day or the next five years. I was trying to make sure I had control over everything instead of living in the NOW. I don’t know if this is what you were saying or not, but ever since I decided to accept each day and live in the moment I feel so much more free! That means eating the chocolate and not worrying about where on my bod it will end up, or thinking about how to make today fabu and not stressing about the doctors appt next week.

Love you girl, you are an inspiration!

Alison November 12, 2010 at 8:07 pm

Holly.

Whoever he is, he doesn’t deserve you. And he *definitely* doesn’t deserve even one. more. ounce. of your energy. When you find yourself in that crappy place, think instead of ALL the people who love you and adore you and ARE worth your time and energy.

Keep on keepin’ on girly.

chelsey @ clean eating chelsey November 12, 2010 at 8:24 pm

I obsess about things way too much for my own good. I am stubborn, and I will keep a lump in my throat for hours if it means not crying and showing my emotions.

Ugh.. why is life so crazy.

Jessica @ How Sweet It Is November 12, 2010 at 8:57 pm

That picture of you is GORGEOUS. I have a tough time of letting everything go.

Katie November 12, 2010 at 9:20 pm

I am SUCH a stubborn control freak. I am a gemini. I am a lover of ice cream. I agree with Alison that whomever “he” is, he doesn’t deserve you.

Competitive, loyal, stubborn, etc. These personality traits can be viewed as hinderances or as assets. In your case, I think they are some of your best assets.

Heehee…assets is a funny word.

Megan (Running Foodie) November 12, 2010 at 9:21 pm

Beautiful. I love that picture of the GG bridge in the fod.

Diana @ frontyardfoodie November 12, 2010 at 10:12 pm

Your name is Diana, and I enjoy reading your blog for all the reasons you listed.

Also, I stalk funny people and you are hilarious.

Mary November 12, 2010 at 10:22 pm

You are just the greatest :) Thanks for posting this– I think we all need a little reminder to let go every once in a while. Have you heard the story of the monkey & the coconut? (I wrote a post about it here: http://undergradfab.blogspot.com/2010/10/like-monkey-with-coconut.html) but it’s one of my favorite reminders that being free is much more simple than I usually make it out to be!

Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga) November 12, 2010 at 10:22 pm

“I make time for friends who have no intention of making time for me.”–

Oh I can relate.

I can relate to the entire post. Until I had Skylar, I couldnt easily let go of…tons.

Now, I am forced to let go b/c I dont have the bandwidth to hold on. I am pulled in so many directions….work, family, household, etc that it’s like let go or go insane. This clearly doesnt help you…but for me, I just wanted to say i relate :)

And that yoga for 10 yrs has helped.

And the pic of you is lovely!!!

Emily November 12, 2010 at 11:08 pm

this one gave me the sniffles. funny that i read this after an hour long obsess-a-thon!

katie November 12, 2010 at 11:10 pm

seriously freaking LOVE YOU! girlfriend- your future is so bright. keep pushing and staying true to yourself. you are learning so much along the way!

olivia November 12, 2010 at 11:59 pm

Amazing post, and one that I can really relate to. Thanks for wording it so eloquently and poignantly.

maria @ Chasing the Now November 13, 2010 at 12:19 am

Oh Holly! I can relate to just about every word you wrote… except maybe the cookies. I hold on to EVERYTHING and eventually it just begins to eat away at my soul. Sad, right? I’ve been trying to loosen up and not worry so much, but that (believe it or not?) takes so much work for me.

Carbzilla November 13, 2010 at 12:54 am

You. Are. Fabulous.

I hear ya loud and clear. Time is going to be your teacher, my friend.

BEEG hugs!

Eden November 13, 2010 at 1:03 am

Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. I let go of ice cream, and it is SO worth holding on to.

Uncle Tommie Timbertoes November 13, 2010 at 6:26 am

I expected this post. Same thing happens to me when you come back from somewhere wunnerful to what appears to be the mundane. It triggers this “what’s wrong” or “why can’t I stay in wunnerful” analysis. No good answer, just need to keep plow’n the ground and planting yer seeds.

Madeline - Greens and Jeans November 13, 2010 at 6:49 am

Love. And I feel you sister. I spent way too long on the phone with my mom crying about the fact that I still can’t get my car registered which clearly means I can’t do my job and that I suck at life. Is it my fault that the title isn’t here yet? No. Does my boss think I suck at life? No. But I will freak out about those little details until I can fix them. And seriously, if you are in the need of an adventure, my apartment is always here for you! After next week I’ll be mostly here until January, and you are ALWAYS welcome!

Elliott November 13, 2010 at 6:56 am

It’s hard to let go of things, especially when it’s important to us. I always try to tell myself that worrying about it is not going to change the outcome/situation. It kind of helps me to just get that fact rooted into my mind. Hope you have a great weekend…eat some ice cream!

Sarah (Running to Slow Things Down) November 13, 2010 at 7:38 am

Love this post, girly! You have such a brilliant attitude towards life in general, and somehow I always feel like I’ve learned something after reading your posts.

Keep it up! And keep strong!

Nelly@CrazySexyFit November 13, 2010 at 7:45 am

WONDERFUL post. I think letting go is pretty hard for almost everyone, even the non-Sagittariuses ;) And for the 99% of us for whom this is true, you have to re-learn how to let go every time a situation requiring it arises – it NEVER gets easy.

Just know we’re all wishing you the best (and envying your hair), and honestly I would say go right ahead and make those cookies again. Because if one comes out wrong you just eat it to hide the evidence and everyone’s happy :)

Amy B @ Second City Randomness November 13, 2010 at 8:31 am

Thank you.

I needed this.

I’m sorry it’s hard, but remember you have so many people out there just like you. Like me. Damn boys.

Caroline November 13, 2010 at 9:18 am

I completely agree with Nelly! I needed this today. I like to pretend I’m a go with the flow type person…. but it is very untrue.
And girl, one ugly cookie is one less treat for everyone else and one more for you!

Katie November 13, 2010 at 10:17 am

Beautifully written, my friend! I love that you know so much about yourself (that sounds weird…) because I’m sometimes oblivious to my own patterns and craziness. You are able to gorgeously shed light on your own personality and awesomely, you know what you need to do to be happier. That makes me happy. :-)

Mihaila November 13, 2010 at 12:43 pm

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.” – For all things in life, not just love. Keeping whats important in sight is what matters, but “what matters” is a constant change no matter how hard you try and stop it ;) Let go, and look forward to what’s next

Paige is Running Around Normal November 13, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Good for you girl!! Regarding the past, I go by this rule:
The past is good for two things – learning a lesson and reliving good memories. If I’m not implementing one of those two ideas, I let it go.

Christine November 13, 2010 at 7:51 pm

Beautiful post! Love that last pic.

Dorry November 13, 2010 at 7:57 pm

I just found your blog by clicking over from a Foodbuzz Fest-related post and I’m so glad I did! I’m so glad this is the 1st post I got to read from you because it is such an honest and insightful look into who you are which seems to be AWESOME. I’m excited to read more. :)

K - Anywhere There's An Airport November 14, 2010 at 7:49 am

I can relate to pretty much every word! Control Freak right here! I am a big believer in intention. As long as you are moving in the right direction… you will get “there” eventually. And until then… eat all of the ugly cookies :)

Pure2raw twins November 14, 2010 at 8:33 am

Holly, the sounds just like me!! I am the worst at letting go. Lori yells at me all the time like….stop living in the past or just make a decision already…so I totally understand!
It can be scary to just life happen, but you are right I need to let go!!!

Thanks for the wonderful post ; )
Michelle

emily (a nutritionist eats) November 14, 2010 at 2:11 pm

These pictures are beautiful Holly! (Well, so are the words, but that is a given :) )

sofia November 15, 2010 at 8:33 am

dearest holly,
this post slipped through my google reader cracks like WHOA and i never got to comment. so, this is belated but I want to say this post is fabuloso. like, for real. i truly agree with your sentiments that WE are the arbiters in our lives and though we can’t change other people’s minds we can in fact change our own. knowing this and embracing this has changed my life in so many positive ways, and your whimsical way of reiterating this was a joy to read. obvi loved the pics, too. :P oh, and the new layout is wayyyy better. i’m just full of compliments this morning, huh?

happy monday!

-sofia

Sami November 15, 2010 at 12:03 pm

okay…i’m a control freak. i’ve learned to just embrace it. it’s part of me. love it or leave it…in fact, i’ve had a lot of people “leave it”…and that’s okay…because we both deserve people in our lives that will accept and love us regardless <3 xo.

Mallory November 15, 2010 at 6:22 pm

if it wasn’t so creepy i’d probably frame this.
because i’m the same way.. sometimes get so wrapped up in trying to control everything that i forget how awesome things are when they just happen on their own & in their own time :)

Sarah@sarahnotsoplainandtall November 15, 2010 at 7:51 pm

letting go can be so hard…I am constantly reminding myself that what happened in the past cannot be changes, so we are better off moving forward with life.

Kate November 17, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Holly- I agree 100%! I wasn’t keeping up with blogs while I was away, this was a great homecoming. Although I just read this today, I wrote something similar last night- great minds thinkin’ alike, I see!

Kaitlin With Honey November 17, 2010 at 3:41 pm

This is such an amazing post. I felt so much of who I am reflected in here (and I’m a fellow Sag… coincidence? I think not.) and I loved reading something so honest and fresh.

Oh, and happy upcoming birthday! ;)

Milwaukee Lady November 19, 2010 at 6:09 pm

Holly- i think i have read this about a dozen times before and finally had the bit of courage to say thank you. I never seem to let go and need to challenge myself to one write a similar letter to myself, to be that honest with the part of myself that i hit.

I needed this

Jen November 19, 2010 at 7:17 pm

I wish that Wisconsin was closer to Vermont… because I swear we are actually supposed to be best friends. I just adore you (but not in a creepy, stalker-y kind of way).

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