I tried. I really did.
In fact, I tried successfully for nearly 22 hours. Alternating between carrot apple ginger + apple kale parsley juice and lemon water (8 ounces H2O + juice of 1 lemon), I spent almost an entire day detoxifying my liver, organs and digestive system with nutrient-rich fruit + vegetable juices. I’m still shocked that my stomach didn’t grumble. Not even once.
My co-workers will vouch for my stern dedication to the plan. So will my Twitter account.
However, at approximately 4:02pm, my competitive nature + determination could no longer resist the desire for a cheeseburger, and I sent this email to my coworker…
“i’m hungry. i don’t know if i can do this juice detox thing anymore. you know, i really feel for those starving african children. #whitegrlproblem”
God, I am such a drama queen.
But really, I swear the thought of drinking more liquid made me weep.
My lack of caffeine had caused a dull, pounding headache.
I couldn’t think.
All I wanted was food. Solid food.
And in an Everythingtarian blink of an eye, work ended and this happened…
And ya know what?
It tasted SO good.
As it turns out, I just really like food. I like being able to chew my food. I like reuben sandwiches in fried egg roll form. Grilled veggies on toasted bread and slathered with goat cheese is really really tasty. Beer is even better. Together, it was all rather foodgasmic.
I’m glad I attempted the juice detox.
It’s good to try new things.
But I have no shame giving up and no desire to ever do it again unless it is the only way Jake Gyllenhaal says he will marry me. Then, I’m willing to perhaps give it a second chance.
As for my plan the rest of this two-and-a-half-day juice detox?
I’m still drinking the juice, as I’ve come to discover that apple, kale and parsley actually make for quite a refreshing beverage.
But I’m supplementing it with food.
In other words: I’m creating a balance that works for me.
Another reminder that’s what it’s all about folks.
{ 37 comments }
I think juice fasts are stupidface. I’m glad you quit. Quitters never win but damn do we eat good.
rock on for trying it– and rock even harder for figuring out how to make a concept work for you. we’re not all the same. adapting ideas to suit our needs is what it’s all about.
I’m proud of you for quitting. Shit is bananas. As is the peanut butter banana sandwich, which doesn’t come in juice form. Happy food-filled Saturday!
I used to try to juice fast in college. It never lasted. Although sometimes it did create a strange burst of energy. Then I went and boozed my face. And probably ate taco bell.
you bumps did this diet for 1.5 days and then had a colonoscopy. the only thing that he did was drink great amounts of chicken broth.
You crack me up. I get you extra props for breaking the fast with another liquid – BEER. The nectar of the gods. :)
Cheers to you. And to mastication.
first off i love that your auntie comments on your blog. second, props for not feeling bad for quitting. i know you wouldn’t, because you are you and you are amazing, but really.. it is not the end of the world if you don’t want to go 3 days without food. actually, that sounds like pure hell. i am all for detoxing ans whatnot, but not if it is miserable! eating (or not eating) should never be miserable!
Reuben Egg Rolls > Juice Cleanse
So glad to see that you’re “doing you” (as JWow would say). Juice cleanses may work for some, but I say – all hail the beer! And you know, healthy solid foods in moderation :)
I give you major love and props for even trying, because that is success to me girl! Failure is not trying at all : )
LOVE the food pic of you slamming down some solid yums!! haha!
love u!!
There is no shame in that! I wouldn’t have made it 5 hours. I like to eat my calories. at. all times. (well except in bars…) But anyways, that food looks delicious so I can only imagine how great it tasted after not eating anything all day!
There is true health and beauty in doing what works for you with food and with life. I love that you always preach this. Amen. I don’t really like liquid foods either (I’m really hoping I can keep my teeth through old age so I don’t end up on the jello/mashed potatoes diet!). Juices and smoothies don’t do it for me either.
Coffee and water are the only bevvies I truly need. Gold and silver if you well. And wine for the bronze.
way to go for trying! To be honest, I don’t even think I would have lasted for as long as you did! you are an inspiration :)
beer is a liquid. so is vodka. i thought that was the direction this post was going. good for you for trying! i couldn’t do it. i like the part about sitting down to eat a meal and not skipping the meal time.
Phew! I couldnt make it that long. I enjoy juice…but its just not a meal! Hope you have a great weekend
You are my hero. And I am in total agreement: Juice is good… along side food. Lots of food. Healthy food. Sometimes :) Chat soon? You know the #… I think?
YAY. I’m glad you didn’t finish it, actually, because I think juice fasts are stupido. Our bodies are made to digest food…if you put mostly good, whole stuff into ‘em, there’s nothing to detox from. Plus, why drink juice when you can drink beer?
Ohh this post made me so happy. There is no shame in just doing what works for you! Love it!!
I am always shocked that people can juice fast, or juice “feast”, as many raw foodies want to call it…but not me. I have never gone more than 24 hrs without chewing something. And that was plenty! Not for me. I need to chew, I need solid food. I cannot imagine going on a 3, 7, 21 day!! juice fast like I read about.
Glad that you are doing what’s right for you! :)
You did great!!! I could only last a few hours…I love food too much too :)
“But really, I swear the thought of drinking more liquid made me weep.” – Isn’t beer a liquid?!? You didn’t seem to have any problems with the beer, or did you? :) But seriously, I think you did exactly the right thing by listening to your body. I know I couldn’t do a fast. Well, unless it involved beer maybe?
Enjoy the rest of your weekend! Glad you get to eat! :)
I dont think I could have lasted 2 minutes. Supplement that stuff with real food. Juice fast = not my cup of tea.
Good for you for giving it a try and for recognizing when it was no longer working for you. You also learned something about yourself in the process, you love food! What’s so bad about that?! I say nothing.
Juice fast shmuice fast. I like to chew my food too. But you did awesome! I think you have to really WANT to do a juice fast to complete a juice fast. And if you don’t want to, if your body is not having it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
I just saw Source Code and Jake Gyllenhaal was pretty awesome. He might be worth a weekend of juice :)
hahahahahhahahahaha holy poop. you just made me crack up so hard that my dog (the only man in my life) stared at me disapprovingly. my philosophy is that if you can put it in a blender and it can come out in juice form, then it’s juice. or future-juice, i guess. and scones. always scones. scones are sooooooo juice.
xoxo love you darling!
Like I said yesterday… it’s always good to try something new… and there’s no shame in ending that with a cheeseburger… ruben egg roll, close enough. :)
Such an Everythingtarian thing to do! ;) I’m glad you finally got some food!
Haha, I love. The only time I went on a juice fast was when I got my wisdom teeth pulled – it was no fun at all. I don’t blame you one little tiny bit. Eating food is gooooood.
where can i find those delicious-looking reuben egg rolls?
Congrats for making it as far as you did! I bet it had a lot to do with the caffeine detox at the same time. That combination would be too much for anyone!
Might have just googled reuben eggrolls madison wi to figure out where you got them! Capital Tap Haus is the next place I’m eating out forreal.
And juice diets are dumb. You get props for even attempting one!
I’d do it for Jake, too!
I’m glad you’re not doing the juice fast anymore. I’ve never seen the point of it. The funny thing is, juice really doesn’t clean out your GI/digestive tract because when you juice stuff, you remove ALL of the fiber from the veggies/fruits. Fiber is what “cleans” your intestines and stuff. Just compare the nutrition information for a glass of apple juice vs. one apple!
Also, you were probably hungry because juice raises blood sugar like crazy. You were crashing, then craving!
Basically, everything you felt should have been expected. More power to you in finding a healthy balance! :)
That is why I’m not good at following a particular “diet” – dairy free, no meat, etc…. it makes me crave everything I can’t have!!!
and THAT my dear – is exactly why I adore you! :) You are so honest and REALISTIC! I actually read your post talking about it detox and I was like omg that is totally an awesome idea – but then I thought about it for another 5 minutes and decided I couldn’t hack it! MAJOR KUDOS for trying and EVEN MORE MAJOR KUDOS for trying and breaking the rules and being totally awesome x1,000,000 in admitting it! :)
This post is exactly why I love you and your blog.
where in madison did you get those delicious egg rolls? i need a trip back up there stat–there seems to be so many new places to try!
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