I tried. I really did.
In fact, I tried successfully for nearly 22 hours. Alternating between carrot apple ginger + apple kale parsley juice and lemon water (8 ounces H2O + juice of 1 lemon), I spent almost an entire day detoxifying my liver, organs and digestive system with nutrient-rich fruit + vegetable juices. I’m still shocked that my stomach didn’t grumble. Not even once.
My co-workers will vouch for my stern dedication to the plan. So will my Twitter account.
However, at approximately 4:02pm, my competitive nature + determination could no longer resist the desire for a cheeseburger, and I sent this email to my coworker…
“i’m hungry. i don’t know if i can do this juice detox thing anymore. you know, i really feel for those starving african children. #whitegrlproblem”
God, I am such a drama queen.
But really, I swear the thought of drinking more liquid made me weep.
My lack of caffeine had caused a dull, pounding headache.
I couldn’t think.
All I wanted was food. Solid food.
And in an Everythingtarian blink of an eye, work ended and this happened…
And ya know what?
It tasted SO good.
As it turns out, I just really like food. I like being able to chew my food. I like reuben sandwiches in fried egg roll form. Grilled veggies on toasted bread and slathered with goat cheese is really really tasty. Beer is even better. Together, it was all rather foodgasmic.
I’m glad I attempted the juice detox.
It’s good to try new things.
But I have no shame giving up and no desire to ever do it again unless it is the only way Jake Gyllenhaal says he will marry me. Then, I’m willing to perhaps give it a second chance.
As for my plan the rest of this two-and-a-half-day juice detox?
I’m still drinking the juice, as I’ve come to discover that apple, kale and parsley actually make for quite a refreshing beverage.
But I’m supplementing it with food.
In other words: I’m creating a balance that works for me.
Another reminder that’s what it’s all about folks.