Timestamps + Monologues

by Holly on January 17, 2010

in breakfast,dinner,lunch,silliness

Saturday January 16, 2010

4:21am: What the hell is that rattling?  Oh my gosh…someone is trying to rob me before kidnapping me and slicing my body into bite-sized pieces!  My worst nightmare come true!  Wait a second…what is that moaning?  NO. WAY. (covers ears)  Who the $#*& hell is bumping uglies at four o’clock in the friggin’ morning?!?!

5:21am: (stares at the ceiling) I hate people.

5:45am: (audible stomach grumbles are heard) Peanut butter toast, orange and two cups of coffee will have to suffice as I read blogs and continue on my freelancing writing ON A SATURDAY MORNING AT 6am (!!!).

9:00am: How the hell did I manage to fall asleep for another hour after drinking two cups of coffee?

11:00am: I am going to eat my hand off if I don’t get food soon.  Whew! Thankfully, Natalie put together a brunch for all of us co-workers to exchange Christmas gifts and eat to our hearts delight. Oooh, is that a mimosa…?

11:45am: I din’t think I wiked am or murooms, but I am toally diggin’ this egg souffay…(with food in mouth).

12:35pm: (Beverly Hills 90210 playing in background) I had no idea Kelly became addicted to coke, Valerie was inappropriately propositioned by her marketing teacher and Brandon delivered a baby in an elevator?  Impressive rich kids.

12:41pm: (tearing off tissue paper) Yesssss…I am now an official GLEEK!

3:47pm: Holly, if you go to the gym, I will let you drive the mile there, and you can just walk on incline today.  Okay Holly, fine. You have yourself a deal.

4:34pm: Speed? 3.2 mph.  Incline? 12.  Time? 45 minutes.  TV?  Office Space.  Check, check, check and check.

5:45pm: Hmmm…what do I want for dinner?

5:45:12pm: I know! I was too lazy forgot to make the Sweet Potato and Parsnip Pancakes earlier this week…

6:15pm: My kitchen sink may be clogged with bits of carrot, parsnip and onion, but these are good.  Real good.  And vegan too?  Terry Walters, dayum girl!

6:31pm: Chocolate…chocolate, where for art thou chocolate?

6:32pm: Come here you lil’ Russian Nutella M&Ms (insert witch cackle here)!

6:33pm: What are the Russkies thinking?  Where is my beloved artificial RED 40 and BLUE 1 (scowls)?!?!?!

8:46pm: I’ll just watch Man on Wire before doing the dishes, washing my face and going to bed…

Sunday January 17, 2010

5:30am: What the hell?  Why are all the lights on?  Why do my teeth feel grimy, and why…

5:31am: Eff. Holly = 0, Watching Movies at Night = 532.

5:32am: Why does the universe make it so hard for me to wake up on-time when I actually need to be at work but then proceed to wake me up two days in a row on the weekend before the sun is up?!?!?!

5:35am: I guess more blog reading, freelance writing and eating breakfast before dawn will have to do.  Hmmm…I bet those sweet potato-parsnip latkes from last night would taste great with some cinnamon and maple syrup…

7:31am: Yes, I can finally do something! The co-op is open – GROCERY SHOPPING TIME!!!

8:13am: Thanks you stupid cashier lady for packing one bag with all glass jars + cans while the other one with just produce.  Now, I can enjoy the sweet smell of salsa that is currently spilled over EVERYTHING in my bag because it broke due to it being way too heavy.  Aren’t you supposed to know how the pack groceries in a GROCERY STORE?!?!?!

8:14am: Holly…breathe.  Don’t say what you just thought in your head out loud.  Take the replacement salsa and leave.

8:45am: Sweet fruit bowl of love…come to mama!

10:30am: Hmmm…groceries put away, bathroom cleaned, freelance writing making progress, thank you cards in progress, kitchen cleaned, dishes done…wait, it’s only 10:30am?!?!

10:31am: I guess this waking up early thing does have its advantages.

10:45am: (silently following a 25-minute yoga for hamstrings podcast)

11:30am: Is it too early for my third meal of the day already?

11:31am: I totally forgot how awesome divider plates are!  Butternut squash + pepperjack cheese + spinach wrap in compartment #1, carrots + homemade cilantro pesto hummus in compartment #2 and curry-roasted cashews in #3!  I kinda like feeling like I am eight years old again…

12:49pm: Hmmm…do I really want to hit ‘Publish?’  I might have to actually go to the laundromat and do laundry, much less worry about being committed to a mental institution once readers find out actually how crazy I am.

12:50pm: Maybe a piece of dark chocolate will help delay laundry…

12:55pm: Publish!

(updated)

12:57pm: Maybe if I keep having to update my blog timestamps, I won’t ever have to do laundry!

(updated)

12:58pm: Didn’t I just write a post about making decisions, accepting them and sticking with them?

12:59pm: Yes Holly, yes you did.

{ 46 comments }

Morgan @ Life After Bagels January 17, 2010 at 1:23 pm

that is WAY less crazy than what is said in my head ;)

Erica January 17, 2010 at 1:38 pm

hahahhaha you’re a character and I love it! The divider plate rocks. All plates should have separate compartments….perfect for my little bit of everything meals. Nutella M&Ms?? I’m going to have to find a way to get these for Josh (he lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrves him some nutella!). Happy Sunday

Katie January 17, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Ahhhaha, I love you. I want to hang out with you on the weekends (well, any day really) – that is exactly what my Saturdays are like…I can never sleep in, I eat 3 meals before 11am, and I try to clean my house, but often times just put it off be reading/writing blog posts. Thanks for the laughs! Happy Sundaaaay!

Evan Thomas January 17, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Lol somebody had too much time on their hands ;-) And yet those are the best blog posts to read–love it!

Susan January 17, 2010 at 2:03 pm

“Why does the universe make it so hard for me to wake up on-time when I actually need to be at work but then proceed to wake me up two days in a row on the weekend before the sun is up?!?!?!”

Story of my life!!!!

I need to get my hands on a compartment plate. Eating off one sounds so entertaining!

Welcome to the Gleek Club ;)

Nicole @ Geek Turned Athlete January 17, 2010 at 2:14 pm

haha “bumping uglies!” haha. Yes, I’m 5 years old…

I used to be a morning person, and I feel like my sleep schedule is getting very messed up lately. I’ve been sleeping in ’till 7 or 8am. I feel like such a slacker!

Lauren January 17, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Holly’s Weekend Monologue = the best thing I have read all month.

This little excerpt just made my entire day. Love you so much girl!

Angharad (Eating for England) January 17, 2010 at 2:35 pm

You crazy lady. But in a really good way. The latke looks amazing! We’ll be eating some of that as well as steak brekkie burritos when I come Madison way…love x

Julie @savvyeats January 17, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Nutella M&M’s? Are you kidding? I must find them somewhere!!

Mimi (Damn the Freshman 15) January 17, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Personally I am quite proud of my craziness. Haha, your whole account made me laugh. In total agreement about the treadmill thing: sometimes the only thing that’ll get my lazy ass on the treadmill is “Aww, you can just watch TV and jack up the incline!”

Lexi January 17, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Ahhh sorry you were woken up so early! Great eats! I love m&m’s lol.

Andrea@WellnessNotes January 17, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Wow, you are almost waking up as early as I do! But I have a suspicion that I wake up that early because I’m an old lady. And because I go to bed before the toddler does. Yesterday, he actually tucked me into bed and gave me his little pillow to hold. Honest. Yup, I’m scary. Anyway, I hope you get to sleep in soon! :)

Love listening to your brain… :)

Gracie @ Girl Meets Health January 17, 2010 at 3:31 pm

best. post. ever!!!

I laughed out loud at least a few times ;)

Maya January 17, 2010 at 3:57 pm

Nutella m&ms! Glorious!

glidingcalm January 17, 2010 at 5:27 pm

lol THE HEADSHAKE! that is hilarrrrrrrrrious!!

1) so gross that freaks in the sheet woke u up on your weekend!!! how RUDE.

2) LOVE THAT cinn fruit plate. even tho i don’t like cinn that much. IT JUST LOOKS GOOOOOOOD.

3) parsnip sweet potato latkes?! yuuuuuuuummy!!!

4) omggggggg nutella m n m’s! i wana try! i love love love the pb m &ms; they are wayyyyyyyy betta than reeces peices.

5)MWAH MWAH MWAH

i love johnny w. i wish he had won :(

OH. I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :)

Kristen January 17, 2010 at 5:34 pm

HOW was Man on Wire?

Jenny January 17, 2010 at 5:36 pm

OMG I’m so scared of that event happening in the apartment below me. The family down there is already obnoxiously loudddd!

And WAIT just a tick. Nutella M&M’s??? WHAT? And yea, I like the colors but what gives?

Hope you’re having a nice night!

Mama Pea January 17, 2010 at 5:42 pm

I have two huge points of intense jealousy here:

a) I’m jealous of your neighbors having the energy and sheer will to get it on at 4:21 a.m.;

b) I want a GLEEK mug!!!

Is it bad that I’m watching The Golden Globes tonight purely to see the cast of Glee?!

Katie January 17, 2010 at 5:46 pm

6 AM writing… I feel ya girly! And I can also fall asleep after drinking a whole POT of coffee… what the f is up with THAT?!

Lauren @ Eater Not a Runner January 17, 2010 at 5:54 pm

I love this recap. Amazing.

Jenna January 17, 2010 at 6:03 pm

Holly! What great eats and a great post :)

Kate January 17, 2010 at 6:46 pm

i hate the apartments with thin walls! in my last one i had a not so attractive neighbor that got a surprising amount of action.

jealous of the m&ms!

Tay January 17, 2010 at 7:17 pm

LOL I think this was one of my most favorite posts of yours ever. I cracked up. And LOVE your Gleek mug!! Where, might I ask, did you find such a delectable thing?

Kelly (Foodie Fresh) January 17, 2010 at 8:00 pm

You’re not crazy. It’s only crazy if you actually say all those things aloud…like I do, mumbling under my breath.

katie January 17, 2010 at 8:11 pm

LOL YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!
NUTELLA M&MS?!?! am i dreaming?!?!

Jess January 17, 2010 at 8:12 pm

I love the way this post started! Hilarious! But unfortunate for you!!

Fabulous time-line! How do you remember it all? Or do you just write it down?

Nutella M & M’s? YUM!
<3 jess
xoxo

Jessica @ How Sweet It Is January 17, 2010 at 8:42 pm

Hahah girl you CRACK me up. I love this post – how did you remember this all?? Nutella M&Ms sounds delightful.

elise January 17, 2010 at 8:46 pm

terry walters is brillz. true.

4 am is some SERRRRIOUS rise-and-shine action. dayam!

Low January 17, 2010 at 9:13 pm

Hahaha, you aren’t crazy, you are amazing!! So sorry about the early mornings. I HATE that. But good for you for getting down with your productive self. Those sweet tater cakes look delish and your wrap is so big and beautiful. Loooove.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend dear!

LindsayRuns January 17, 2010 at 9:53 pm

Awesome post, if that’s crazy, so be it! And nutella m&ms… Are they only in russia??

Susan January 17, 2010 at 10:56 pm

Pancakes for dinner? Now that’s what I’m talking bout.

Why do people feel it necessary to wait until unGodly hours to get it get it, play RockBand, and watch Fight Club? Don’t they know us important peeps need our beauty sleep? Super annoying.

<33333 your posts!

Chelsea @ (Chelsea's Chew and Run Fun) January 17, 2010 at 11:18 pm

Love the co-worker brunch! Looks delicious.

Also, it’s worth mentioning that the man from “Man on Wire” went to the acting school I used to go to. My teacher had him as a pupil way back in the seventies, and told us about him walking between the two towers. Pretty friggin’ amazing!

You know what else is pretty friggin’ amazing, everything you ate and watched this weekend. Oh, and you of course. :)

janetha January 18, 2010 at 12:04 am

YO. here i am again for comment numero tres. hahahaha. oh man. quite the opener. i was cracking up. MIMOSA! and OFFICE SPACE! and DIVIDER PLATES! sigh. will you go out with me?

Run Sarah January 18, 2010 at 12:14 am

Loved this post. Mimosa? Been way too long since I’ve had one of those! Those sweet potato/parsnip pancakes look awesome…I must say, I’m not even sure what a parsnip is…off to wiki!

Emily (The Experimentarian) January 18, 2010 at 7:24 am

6:23 AM You are fabulous and funny and I love you!! Have a good day :) xoxo

Megan (The Runner's Kitchen) January 18, 2010 at 7:40 am

Your sweet potato pancakes look wonderful! I think I might make a Clean Food recipe tonight.

p.s. I baked a “Better than sex” cake this week – inspired by you! It was divine, but after eating 3 slices of cake on Saturday night, I’m pretty sure I have diabetes. Hehehe.

Christina January 18, 2010 at 8:37 am

hey holly! thought I would drop in and say helloo– havent talked to you in a while!!! hope all is giong well and that I find those m&ms soon! hahah I never had nutella actually btu I know I would just absolutely love it. nothing beats pb m&ms though…which I know you also like ;) and no I dont stalk you…okay just slightly iguess haha

Madeline @ GreensAndJeans January 18, 2010 at 8:40 am

Loved Man on Wire, love (and am extremely jealous of) your Gleek mug, and SO JEALOUS of the nutella m&ms! It makes me want to go to Russia…

Whit January 18, 2010 at 8:50 am

haha love your weekend. And your neighbors? SORRY, but I AM LAUGHING. That is equal parts horrifying and hilarious and you know it. ;)

LOVE THE MUG!!!

Naomi(onefitfoodie) January 18, 2010 at 10:02 am

haha love those russian M&Ms I also love your posts they are so light hearted and ALWAYS fun to read!!! your mug is awesomeeee

i cant stand it when people bag my groceris and put the eggs at the bottom or glass at the top…I mean come on, this is basic stuff they should knwo right? I always try to bag my own if I can and its not too much stuff!!

K January 18, 2010 at 10:46 am

What an awful wake up call!! HAHA! You should have been like the neighbor on Friends and banged on your ceiling with a broom.

YUM to 11:31 AM! Your salsa incident is so sad – I’m a freak about groceries so I tend to jump all over them if they start bagging (“NO THANKS! I can do it!!!!”).

April January 18, 2010 at 11:54 am

Nutella M & M’s??? Really?? Man they have every flavor now! I think the best ones are the peanut butter ones though!

Cindy January 18, 2010 at 1:39 pm

and now I am caught up with Holly!

Loved every stinking minute of your craziness!

can I have a bite of that egg soufay?

it looks good.

adios chica

Sarah (Finding My Balance) January 18, 2010 at 2:07 pm

re: the russkii m&ms… NONE of the bags have blue ones! none! isn’t that crazy? also, did you think they were a bit crunchier than usual? i think so, but i could just be cuckoo.

i loved this post. i laughed, i cried (well, no, but you can imagine), i was amazed that you can wake up so early and actually stay up, and i was like, “man, that holly is sho’ coo’.”
mmhmm.

The Paris Food Blague January 18, 2010 at 3:20 pm

i have to try those pancakes!

Jessica January 19, 2010 at 11:25 am

Hollllla to the bev hills SHOUTOUT! That’s why I love it so much. Kelly was doing coke in that season my mom and I watched over break–love the surprisingly superrr traumatic/dramatic life of the bev kids!

I WANT A DIVIDER PLATE NOW….that is too cute for words. And that fruit bowl with the pb blob–it’s gorgy.

But now i’m permanently creeped by your apparent “witch cackle” when it comes to innocent, lil’ candies!!! HAHAHAHA LOVE U SO MUCH!

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